Monday, 27 February 2017

Self Love

Sorry for the late post, I had no electricity for 3 days and that messed up my schedule. As promised here are a few exercises you can do to start your journey of Self-Love.

This is from a book by Louise L Hay called “You can heal your life.”

I couldn’t possibly list all the exercises and examples from this book in this post and I don’t want to because it’s not fair to the author.

I highly recommend you purchase it (I got both my copies second-hand for R50 and under). I haven’t read this book from cover to cover. I just refer to the chapters that appeal to my circumstance or situation when needed.

The key to starting the process is to recognize that self-esteem/ self-love/ self-worth is a seed that grows if you water it. If you would like to build on it, remember to love yourself daily. It’s something you can learn to do, no matter what experiences you have had in life. You start by recognizing that you deserve to be loved. You deserve to love yourself.

Sounds like such a simple thing to do, right?

The truth is: one of the things we struggle with the most in life is being true to ourselves. When we look in the mirror we almost always have something negative to say about ourselves. Start saying positive things, even if you force yourself at first, it will soon become a habit. Scolding and being hard on yourself hasn’t worked in the past so let’s see how being positive and good to yourself can change things.

As I said in my previous post this isn’t about vanity or arrogance, it’s about appreciating and being grateful for everything you are and everything you have. You can’t just say these things without truly believing it. If you are saying it but feel some resistance at the back of your mind, you need to tackle that conflict. Whether or not you find its source, tell yourself that you’re willing to release it.


When you feel ready to start on the mental work, the following tips will help you examine and transform your beliefs.

1.       Discover where you have unconsciously picked up your negative and detrimental messages from. For instance, what are the things you parents said were “wrong” with you? What did they say about money? What did they say about your body? What did they say about love and relationships? Look objectively at your list and say to yourself, “So that’s where that belief came from.”

Remember, you cannot make positive changes in your life until you recognize the beliefs you currently hold. Also keep in mind that you cannot blame anyone for your situation. We are 100% responsible for everything in our lives. Nothing has power over you unless you give it that power. What we believe about ourselves and about life becomes true for us.

Forgive people whether or not they deserve to be forgiven. There are some great exercises on how to do this in Louise’s book.

2.       Replace should with could. Every time we use “should”, we are, in effect, saying that we are wrong, or we were wrong. “Could” gives us a choice and we are never wrong. Try this out. Write down five or six sentences beginning with “I should”. Now ask yourself “Why?” for each sentence. Take notice of your response. Now replace “I should” with “If I wanted to, I could” and then ask yourself “Why haven’t you?” Your responses will be different and truer to yourself and you will find that you have dropped things off your original list.


3.       For each category listed below, write down your greatest fear. Then place a positive affirmation* that would counteract that fear next to it.

       Living situation
       Family relations
       Physical appearance
       Old age

4.       Nip the negative thought in the bud.  When a negative thought comes into your mind, give the thought no importance. Just see it for what it is – another way to keep yourself stuck in the past. Fear limits our minds. People have so much fear about so many things. Anger is fear that has become a defence mechanism. It protects us, yet it would be so much more powerful if we and love ourselves through the fear. Every experience, every relationship, is the mirror of a mental pattern that we have inside us.


You have the opportunity of choosing love or fear. This is what I do: In moments of fear, I remember God, and His infinite Mercy and Blessings, shining like a light upon me. Clouds of negative thinking may temporarily obscure my thoughts but I choose to remember the light. I see fear and negativity as passing clouds in the sky, and let them go on their way.

The more we’re willing to love and trust who we are, the more we attract those qualities to ourselves. Everything starts to go on a winning streak. We get up in the morning and the day flows beautifully. We need to love ourselves so that we can take care of ourselves. We have to do everything we can to strengthen our hearts, our bodies, and our minds. We must find a good connection and really work on maintaining it.

5.       Keep a journal. This is something I love doing because I express myself through words very well. I’ve had bad experiences in the past where people have read my journals without asking me and that invasion of privacy has stopped me from writing for years. But now and again when I feel overwhelmed, I jot my feelings and thoughts down or type it out on my phone and it immediately helps me feel calm and composed.


6.       Practice Meditation. This one isn’t for me. I am too restless and my mind is too active to actually benefit fully from meditating. I do give it a go now and again but I feel I’m not benefiting from it the way others do or the way I’m supposed to. But this helps thousands and thousands of people find inner peace and I recommend you try it.


7.       Practice Mirror Work or Tapping. Looking into your eyes and expressing your true feelings is a great way to discover your underlying fears and finally face them with compassion. This is difficult for a lot of people to do. Can you look in the mirror and say “I love you” to your reflection? Do you truly mean it? Some of us can’t even look at ourselves for too long. Practice your affirmations* in the mirror DAILY. Stick post-it notes on your mirror with your affirmations* to remind yourself to repeat them every day.

*Affirmations are sentences aimed to affect the conscious and the subconscious mind.

·         Choose one negative thought you have about yourself and write down the positive opposite that counteracts that belief.

·         Make your affirmations short so they’re easier for you to remember.

·         Start your affirmations with “I” or “My.”

·         Write your affirmations in the present tense. Write as though you’re experiencing what you desire right now, not in the future. Otherwise it will always remain in the future. It’s also better not to put a time frame on your affirmation.

·         Don’t begin with “I want” or “I need”. Rather, write your affirmations as an expression of being grateful for already having and being what you want.

·         Make sure all your affirmations are positive statements. Don’t include words like “don’t,” “won’t,” “am not,” “can’t,” “not,” “doesn’t,” or “am stopping.”

·         Create affirmations that will work. If you don’t believe your statement, you’ll be hesitant and think that you won’t be able to succeed. If you write an affirmation that is truly difficult for you to believe, write another one that starts with, “I am open to . . .” or “I am willing to believe I could . . .”

·         If you find it hard to write your own, there are many, many examples of affirmations online and in Louise’s book that you can use and adapt to your circumstance.

BEGIN NOW – Don’t wait until you get well or lose the weight, or get the new job, or the new relationship. Do the best you can.

If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to email me or comment below.

, Sana xx

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